Why we need to be more emotionally connected to others and how.

When I am alone, I process so much thoughts and reasoning that I get radical and Ideological. But when I meet up with someone, they fix my extremist reasonings and makes me doubt of my certainties.

So, what Jerome Vaillancourt is trying to say here is that he thinks humans need connection with others being than each self. By that, our brains tend to keep in good mental health.

Vulnerability is the key.

Vulnerability helps us to get our flaws pointed out. When we share our thoughts to someone that cares, it is likely to help us be putted on the right track. Indeed, everybody has experience of life that need to be heard. Experiences are the thing that make us think and change our mind. The more we have experiences in a domain, the more our reasoning gets nuanced. A reasoned nuanced though is a thought that is exempted of ideologies; extremists thoughts, radical and destructive reasoning.

Why we need to be more nuanced in our reasonings.

Reason is what helps us define things. When we define something it is most of the time black or white. This means, it lacks details and precision and grey. For example, a nuanced reasoning can’t be; “you are a shy person” cause at the moment you define someone like this he can’t be extraveted or just social enough.

These type of sentences lack precision. Indeed, the more you add up words to your sentence the more you’ll be precise on what you are saying. For example, talking about timidity for a period of time will show more openness to extraversion. Indeed, a young man can be timid for a month or just when he is in a bar. Nothing show that he is always timid… but when you say; you are timid. It neglect every aspect of the time and place, when is he timid like that, is he always timid? Is it a changing person? Like many of us. Is he in a rough period?

How I do connect with others.

In a couple of steps I will explain you my way to connect with others. This is how I started with my self among all the lessons I’ve learned in my life experiences. So, how I do is by connecting with my self first;

1. Talk to yourself.

• I like asking myself questions when I’m in my bed late evening. It helps me be in control of me and understanding what is actually going on in my life. It is a sort of tantric “zen" practice that I started taking the habit to do. So then, when I am listening to someone and he is showing signs of someone that needs to be listened to. I can hear my voice that tells me when to speak and when to listen as giving feedback and much. It gives me control over my self and managing the conversation so it is fairly distributed and well balanced. People like to have an equal conversation and well balanced exchanges of words and sentences.

2. Look in the eyes of the person you are talking to.

• Look in the eyes as much as possible. It is a sign that you listen and if you are emotionally apt to listen to someone and you know what you’re doing, people will feel listened to. As I said in the first point, you need to have had your time for yourself before that. Personally, if I didn’t talked to my self before listening to someone else, I won’t understand what’s going on an I will feel insecure to just let someone talk to me and shut my mouth… I will feel like I can’t hear my voice anymore that gives myself limits over what I can do and not do and what not to exceed.

3. Take time to talk and stay as much as you feel you need to talk.

• The more you need to talk the more you should take the time to do it if you have an opportunity. It doesn’t happen every time that you cross someone on the street that what to talk to you randomly. So, take time to appreciate as much as possible the talk. If the person tells you she have a class in 15 mins at university, it is a sign that you might start quitting the conversation so that the guy can go to his class. If he really want’s to ;). Sometimes, you have more info sometimes you have less but go with what you have. Present information, actuall news about his everyday life and projects and easy stuff like his new gym membership, etc.

4. Be transparent and open up.

• Tell the truth and be vulnerable. If you want to develop something with this person the worst thing you can do is start with a lie. But surely, if you want to make contact in you life for friends night, casual chats on Facebook and work opportunity you might add him on Facebook before saying goodbye see you next time… it is totally fair to ask for a Facebook add-up in the street as much as you feel co fortanle doing it. Briefly, your feels should tell you your limits and at which rhythm you should go in the conversation. Tell basics truth about your everyday life and things that feels good to open up. If you see that the person start showing emotions that doesn’t feel good to you, you might just stop talking and let him open up and take a bit of the conversation time.

5. Quit the conversation with a simple smile and an eye contact.

• Say goodbye or something basic and look in the person eye while starting to quit the field of talk as you put a nice and natural smile on your face. Of course if you feel like it…

I thought I was an asperger or autistic person before learning these tricks.

Indeed, I was so emotionally disconnected to others that I thought I was emotionally weird or whatever. But the truth is that I was too much disconnected from my self. My feels. And so I couldn’t connect with other people feels. So I started to control my self, control my beliefs, organize my thought, drop bad ideologies in the garbage, mix ideologies in the nuances blender and I finished knowing what I was doing and understanding myself more than ever. I started slowly connecting to others as I was connecting to my self and developed my own tricks that I share with you today. Thanks for listening.